the sense to *KNOW* what i need to do and to *ACTUALLY* do it.

i woke up this morning at 6:55 for a physical therapy appointment. i couldn't fall asleep last night- i had my cpap on and everything.. i didn't have my tv on or my internet on at all. douglas messaged me at about 12:30 and i was too busy trying to sleep, so i didn't answer, then he did an online call (i can't think of the exact word for it now) at like 12:40 am saying he just got off work and wanted to see if i wanted to hang out. i had to wake up at 6:55 the next day (today) and i told him that- i'm sorta guessing that he may have been hungry and was gonna come over to my place to eat because i let him eat whatever he wants outta my fridge- i don't exactly think he has enough time or i'm not sure to buy food for himself to eat. he's a really skinny guy but i think he's gotta lift boxes at work and so he's got muscles while really thin. i don't even think the fuckin cpap helped me fall asleep- i gave up on it at 2 i think. i might've fell asleep for a minute or two a few times but that shit still didn't help me fall asleep at a decent time. i'll just have to force myself to stay awake (as usual) by HOPEFULLY getting the tv to work in the lobby. it hasn't been working the past few times though because of something with the cable connections. HOPEFULLY i took concerta today and that would assist me in staying awake.. i don't remember if it was in my pill cup today though.
after i got back from physical therapy today, i was walking into the apartment and some girl who always sits outside and smokes said to me, "STACY! GUESS WHAT WE GOT UPSTAIRS?!" and i just said, "i dunno." then she said, "A HOMELESS PERSON! EW!" and i said, "pfft. so?" then she said, "HE'S ALL BIG AND GROSS! IT'S DISGUSTING! HE ALWAYS ASKS ME FOR FOOD AND SMOKES!" then i said, "he's gotta have somewhere to go to too." then she said, "I KNOW! BUT HE'S DISGUSTING!" and then i just walked into the apartment, i suppose it may annoy me more if he was on MY floor but i seriously doubt it- i understand that ANYONE can be homeless at any time and i'm always willing to help them however i can.
the good news is that i'm pretty sure the stretches/exercises the physical therapist gave me are assisting me because my arms aren't in pain anymore really. i do some of the exercises every day but it's kinda inconvenient to do the ones requiring the arm band- so i don't always do them but i remembered stretches for my arms even before i just started physical therapy recently that i always do. i also lift a small 5 lb. dumbbell every day just to keep my strength up- so i'm also not sure if that helped or made a difference either.- i decided to take iniative to do that MYSELF.. i seem to have this third sense for knowing what i need to do to help myself. *GASP* the courage-LESS center DIDN'T help me do that and didn't inspire me or wtf bullshit amanda would try to come up with. i know what i gotta do to help myself. the traumatic brain injury DIDN'T affect my COMMON SENSE or intelligence, genius. stephen hawking was in a wheelchair and he was one of the most intelligent people before he died. *GASP* a wheelchair doesn't make you stupid? NO, SMART ASS. SINCE YOU THINK YOU'RE SO DAMN SMART- YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT. DOESN'T IT MAKE SENSE FOR A PERSON TO BE INTELLIGENT ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT THEY NEED ASSISTANCE TO DO CERTAIN THINGS SAFELY WITHOUT THEM BEING "STUPID" OR "UNINTELLIGENT"?! not to amanda and the rest of my family (except joe) who's desperate to find anything bad about me and take advantage of it. which is exactly the type of support i feel i receive from my family (except joe). so that eliminates the reason of "family support" to stay in this state. i'm almost positive joe would come visit me at my apartment on the east coast (whereever i DO end up).